Peter’s new ideas for staying connected

Peter McCallum might be retired but he’s never been busier. For him, that’s the key to keeping the blues at bay.

“Once they retire, a lot of people stay at home and vegetate. But you’ve got to keep going.

“I do honorary auditing for various groups. I volunteer with Country Hope and am involved with the Museum Society and the Family History Society in Wagga. And I still enjoy doing things in my shed, reading and gardening in the vegie patch.

“I am also involved in a group for retired men called OM:NI – Old Men: New Ideas. My wife calls it ‘Old Men: No Idea’!”

OM:NI is a group designed to bring men together for companionship, fellowship and support. Many of its members live alone and many experience depression.

“I've been going to OM:NI for about three years. We get together for a coffee and a bit of a chat. We talk about things like what we've done the previous week or any problems we’ve had, and at the end we have a topic we'll discuss. That's quite interesting, especially if a little bit of politics comes in.

“To me, OM:NI is giving and sharing. You're there to help in any way possible and share your experience. I've learned a lot of things from the others, and they've learned a lot of things from what I've done, too. It helps to keep your old mind ticking over.”

For 71-year-old Peter, it’s an important part of his routine and keeping on top of his depression.

“OM:NI gives you something to do and somewhere to be. If you've got depression, you don't want to be staying at home thinking about it. It helps to be able to talk to a group where you haven’t got a beer in front of you making things worse.”

Different pressures

Like many, Peter says his depression started with stress building up over time. 

“I worked in a bank for 27 years. I found that when I was at the bank, things used to build up and I couldn't sleep at night. The biggest team I ever had was around 37 people and they all had different personalities, different traits and worked at different speeds. It never seemed to be an environment where everybody was happy.” 

Peter was the Manager Branches of the regional office in Wagga, and when the branch closed, it gave him the push he needed to become his own boss doing something he had always wanted to do. He bought a farm and while he was happy to make the move, he soon found that going from banking to farming was going from one pressure job to another.

“When I got on the farm, everything was going great. I had even made the Wagga paper for my cattle sales. But then the drought hit and that was a real kick in the guts.

“I had to find feed. Money was short. Cattle prices were down. I had to keep my breeders alive. We got through it, but the stress just built up.”

Seeking help

Peter knew that things were getting too much when he found he struggled to get up in the morning.

“I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to get out of bed. I spent a lot of time sleeping, trying to hide from the world.

“I went to my doctor and said there's something wrong.  I didn't know what it was. She was able to get me into the Black Dog clinic at Wagga Base Hospital. They were terrific. One bloke there talked to me one-on-one, man-to-man and it made me relax. Since then, my whole life changed. And I think my personality did too because I wasn't as grumpy anymore!”

In working through his depression, Peter has come to look back on his life through a different lens.

“It took until I was 55 to find out there was a problem and it had been a problem all along, back to my early family life. I was stressed out a lot as a kid. My father was an alcoholic and being the eldest of the family, I was always picked on. I had a younger brother die at the age of 11 and that was difficult.

“I think I took the job in the bank to get away from home and do something with my life. Then my wife Jan and I lost our first son at six weeks. We went on to have four kids and, in general, life has been pretty good but sometimes when you're down, life can kick you in the guts a fair bit.”

Peter has also come to reflect on how we deal with mental health, in the broader community.

“When I was in the bank, we had people with problems, but we didn't know what to make of it. You sort of knew there was something wrong but couldn't put your finger on it. We would do a training course, but they never said, ‘look out for these sorts of things that might be keeping your staff down’. None of that was around and it's a pity we didn't know about these things back then. We could have been looking out for these problems and helping one another.”

Having worked through his own depression and helping a few mates to deal with their problems, Peter believes it’s important that people share their stories and their problems.

“I tell my story so that people will realise that they're not the only one who's got a problem. There's a lot of other people out there. And there are plenty of ways to get help and help yourself – from medication to simple lifestyle changes and a bit of exercise – but you’ve got to get out and talk to people. Talk to friends and family, talk to a professional.

“You just can't be like the ostrich and put your head in the sand. You’ve got to have a go.”

The Australian Government resource Head to Health has digital mental health and wellbeing resources, for yourself or for someone you care about – visit headtohealth.gov.au.

 Anyone who is experiencing a mental health emergency (themselves or others) should call Mental Health Line 1800 011 511, Lifeline 13 11 14 or call 000.